Not only did I abandon this blog after my second rejection from RADA, I also abandoned any dream and ambition I had towards a career in acting. With full force, I focused on working full time in a bar; with no plan for the future whatsoever. For a while, this was perfect. It didn't bother me in the slightest. I feel I'm a completely different person to the fresh out of sixth form auditionee that radiated enthusiasm. I got a nose piercing, dyed my hair pink, fucked up (a lot), made new friends, lost old friends and I'm still struggling to find my happy place.
Work has become tiring. Several people my age at work are making plans for the future; joining the police, applying for university, producing music - doing what they love. I obviously can't work in a bar all my life and I feel like I'm being left behind.
The thing is that I still don't have any passion. I'm not reading scripts, or watching films, or seeing plays, I don't go to my theatre and I don't talk to anyone about acting. I'm so lost. Where do I even look for an agent? Do I apply again this year? What's the point?
I want my passion back.
Mate, I can relate to you so much. When I didn't get in this year, my way of getting over it was to block it all out and think of all the exciting things I could be doing instead of drama school - if you think about it, if you go to drama school, you have 3 years of training and networking that culminates in a showcase and then you enter the industry - and once you are in the industry you can never take a break (trust me, I just learnt the hard way when I actually got an audition for a dream role recently and it was during the only 2 weeks i've been away for in years). There's no rush whatsoever and you may as well fulfil all other ambitions you may have (except maybe stuff like getting married and having a family if that's what floats your boat) before going. Why don't you just take a year or two to do whatever the fuck you want with it that you've always wanted to do and then rediscover your passion when you've been able to clear your head a bit - or even discover new passions? You've got all the time in the world to get in and to rediscover your love for it - just chill out!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your blog, I actually think your passion lies somewhere else. You just haven't realised it yet. Have you ever considered writing? You have a real knack for it. I never get bored reading your posts, which is something that can happen to me quite a bit to be honest.
ReplyDeleteHeather, don't despair! You say you want to be an actor but most actors don't even go to drama school. There are other options :) Failure only occurs when you give up. Nowadays Drama School are just outdated- they need to update their course!! Focus on what you want and the rest will follow. Don't give up ever!
ReplyDeleteDon't give up! Many good actors have been trying for years to get accepted to drama school, it's your second attempt so keep trying. Meanwhile, you can get more acting experience, read books, go watch plays. It's so sad to read such posts from you. You must be very talented, you got to the third round at RADA at first year of auditioning. Maybe try some other schools? There's a couple of drama schools which are comparable to RADA. And if you're feeling not so well, maybe you should change your diet, get blood tests, maybe that's the reason why you're feeling so strange. I really advice you to do so, my friend had similar situation and it turned out she had hypothyroidism. So really Heather, I wish you good luck and I hope you'll get your passion back and succeed next year.
ReplyDelete*sorry for my English, it's not my first language
FUCK IT !!!!! You're talented man. Seriously wtf ? Stop bitching Heather, stop bitching about everything... You have the chance of your life just around the corner, wth on earth are you waiting for ? The right moment ? You CAN do it, you're still passionated about it, you're just too proud to admit the goddamn truth: your pride was hurt when you got rejected, and now you don't want to act anymore because it will result in you admitting that you failed. Get your shit together Heather, the world ain't sunshine and rainbows. You fucking fell, so what, no biggie, everyone falls. But people won't stop because you fell, they'll go on and step on you. So that's what you want, being stepped on ? Great. Fine for you.
ReplyDeleteYou're probably thinking 'wtf is this person talking about'. Here's what I'm talking about: you got to the 3rd motherfrickin' round at your friggin' first attempt, for fuck' sake. Why would anyone on earth abandon their dream after being so close to it ???
Get the fuck up Heather. Pull yourself together. Stop whining. Go for it, jeez. You'll get in.
Your future lies in your motherfuckin' hands. You have the choice. You either screw up, or you go in there and you fucking show them that you deserve a fucking place, or someone else will.
Now gtf off of twitter, facebook or whatever the hell you're doing right now and go read a good ol' play.
Sincerly.
Hi Heather.. I just finished reading your whole blog in 1 and a half hours. I don't agree with with Saradha saying that your passion lies somewhere else. You're probably going through a phase where you don't know what to do from now on, which is understandable because you are still so young. I suggest you keep trying. There are so many people that get in drama school after their 3rd or 4th try, and you are so young!! Just keep trying. This industry is tough. From what I understand you only auditioned in Rada this year. Why did you limit your chances to 1 school ?
ReplyDeleteI wish we could talk or have a conversation because I plan to audition in sept 2015- so any advice/help would be great !
Going drama school is not always the best option as your be in so much debt after and only a few who have been drama school actually finds jobs. Plus RADA is the hardest to get into. You need to be realistic sometimes. I wouldn't audition anymore, you're wasting your time and money.
ReplyDeleteBe realistic? 17 years old and being considered in the final 100 people for RADA and you're saying it's unrealistic?
DeleteNah thats bollocks, obviously its not unrealistic. This person doesn't know what they are talking about - if you go to a top drama school the chances are you will get jobs. I'm at Guildhall and most people get good work within a couple months. Drama school, for most people, massively boosts your chances of a long and successful career.
DeleteIs acting still what you want to do? If so, just apply again. Lots of people take multiple times, especially if they are younger. Perhaps its best not to get all your dreams set on RADA, if they are at all, because things can be unpredictable.
Spread your net a little wider, do whatever you need to do to get some positivity back, and go for it!
If you want to make it as an actor then you need to be tougher. To give up after two years is not acceptable. If you can't handle two years of not getting what you want how on earth are you going to survive the real world of acting. Drama schools want to see how much you want this as a lot of people do. So yes do apply this year. Show RADA this is what you want, make yourself a nuisance and keep trying until they get the message. You'll soon see even the most admired actors in the world heard more no's than yes's before they finally got a break. Just do not give up!!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to send this in two parts. I came across this blog by chance through Google, and I have to say that you showed a hell of a lot of guts in not only doing and going after these things, but in speaking honestly about your experience as well.
ReplyDeleteI auditioned for a few drama schools (RADA included) straight out of secondary school myself and I didn't get in anywhere. In fact, you got even further than I did! My confidence was knocked, and I questioned whether this was the thing to be doing with my life.
I went into a regular university arts course right after, because I needed something to do. I wondered whether I should even go back to audition for these places again, and I convinced myself that it wasn't the time. I guess I was waiting for my own passion to come back too.
And then I decided to audition for plays being directed by students in the college. I auditioned because what the hell, it was something to do. I got parts in a few of them, and we rehearsed them for a couple of weeks. Every night before going onstage I was nervous as hell (nothing new really), but when I got out there I learned something: I realised that I fucking loved performing, every minute of it. All of it. The moments where I was good, and the ones where I was not-so-good too. I remembered why I loved it in the first place.
That’s what it’s about. It’s something that no one can take away from you, because it has nothing to do with what people say or think, the films or plays that you've seen, the performances you've admired or anything like that.
It's the doing of it that matters, more than anything, and it is through doing it that we all find the love for it, and that we get better at it.
A lot of people (parents, friends, other actors, naysayers) discourage us, telling us to “give up, because you can’t take the industry”, etc. etc.). I’ve had more than my fair share of people trying to give me “advice”, to which I usually respond, “that’s very nice. Thanks very much.” The advice is usually coming from a good place, but most of the time it can be a downer to hear (Plus, they usually have no idea what they’re talking about, and are just trying to feel more secure in themselves by saying something).
Part 2: It’s not about acting, it’s about life. It’s about being a person We get knocked down by life all the time. Something happens, and it stops us in our tracks. Lots of people don’t get back up for years, or they never get back up. But we only start living when we get back up in spite of how hard it can be.
DeleteI’m 20 years old now, and in the two or so years since those first audition attempts I’ve been working harder on my own than I’ve ever worked for anything, going to Meisner classes, reading books, working on my voice and doing as much as I can to learn. I have my moments of doubt and depression every so often, but even then I’ve realised that the point for me is to do the work even when I don’t want to do it.
I’ve decided that I’m going to go back and audition again this year; in fact, I’m going to audition for more schools this time around. But this time, I don’t care about getting in, I just want to do something creative and fun in the audition room. That’s all we really owe ourselves anyway.
It’s about respect for yourself, and not giving other people control over how you view yourself. There ain’t nobody who can tell you what to do except yourself. And there isn’t anybody who you have to prove anything to but yourself. Life is short, better to spend it doing the things that really matter to you than the things that don’t.
And it’s not about “making it”, or “success”. It’s about working at your craft because you want to, doing plays and other things because you want to. If you work at it because you love it, you’ll find that you can become so good at this that they’ll have no choice but to hire you. It’s not about drama school, or auditions or agents or networking; all that crap is peripheral, just business stuff. Even talent; you can’t rely on talent alone, you have to have a talent for your talent. That means working at it and getting better, developing a skill and a craft because you love it and you want to be great at it.
I hope this makes sense, I had to type it all at once.
All the best!
RADA is not the only school out there. If you have the talent, you have the talent. It really doesn't matter where you train or what kind of technique you get, as long as you get it. Just because you don't feel the passion now doesn't necessarily mean it's lost forever.
ReplyDeleteGetting rejected from a program that you knew would have been wonderful can be demoralizing. It seems that the high-pressure RADA application experience really made you eager to get as far away from acting as possible....... but here's the thing. If you really, truly, zealously love acting, you're not going to be able to stay away from it for very long. It's only going to be a matter of time before you start feeling restless. In fact, it sounds like you already are. Why don't you try taking some quality nighttime acting classes to help you dip your feet and start to get back into it again? After bombing my audition for the Juilliard Drama Division earlier this year (and I spent 10 months perfecting my pieces!), I began studying at an excellent Meisner studio that totally revitalized my love of the craft and helped me to see that there really are so many different ways of working........ so many different ways into becoming a powerful actor.
Heather, it turns out that you’re in pretty good company……… Sir Richard Harris, Emily Watson, Ewan McGregor, Tara Fitzgerald, Samantha Morton, Noma Dumezweni, Carey Mulligan, Gary Oldman and Kristin Scott Thomas were all rejected by RADA! The latter three were actually told during their auditions that they weren’t talented enough for the profession, if you can believe that. A few others were turned down not only by RADA, but nearly every other drama school in London. But you know what? They didn’t let themselves feel invalidated. Their talent and hunger for the work prevailed. I know firsthand how crushingly disappointing it is to not get into the school of your dreams. It can be hard not to feel like the whole thing was a massive waste of time. But you must know and understand that if you are truly meant to do this, you will find your way.
ReplyDeleteAllow yourself time to grieve, and then get your ass into some acting classes!
Sorry, but you are sounding like a spoilt brat that wants everything. Acting is primarily about rejection. If you cant handle that you are in the wrong career, take some part tome classes, join a youth company, work your ass off if you Care about the craft. And get some life experience, its not the end of the world, many actors are not successful until they are 30/40
ReplyDeleteI'm a spoilt brat because I'm going through depression. You can fuck right off my blog.
DeletePeople with depression don't admit i t, they don't tell their family yet alone strangers. If you want to act you need to accept rejection
DeleteIf you cant handle rejection you are on the wrong business, i don't mean to be rude but that is the truth.
It's easier to tell strangers. I haven't told anybody. Saying you don't mean to be is not an excuse for being rude. Nobody is born with the ability to handle rejection first time round.
DeleteThis is not just rejection from RADA. I fully appreciate how successful I was in the audition process. This is about the rejection and abandonment I received from my directors, teachers, friends and so called supporters - that dropped me hot as a rock as soon as I got anywhere.
Nobody can tell me I am being spoilt, or pretending, or bitching or being lazy until they have gone through that situation on top of the personal issues I've gone through this past year.
So please, save your comments.
Friends come and go - my friends all ditched Me when i dropped out of college to do acting. You have to go to hell and back, to get that strength and determination. No body can handle it first time i know. In regards to depression, channel your energy into cinema, theatre, plays . Sometimes your passion can save your life
DeleteBelieve Me - I've been there
Oh My God.
ReplyDeleteYou are seriously annoying the hell out of me - we went to school together, I was in a few of your classes, and let me tell you - that I agree with a few of what people have said - you are spoilt, and you are being lazy.
Acting is a tough ass industry. Rejection is the primary thing that takes up most of the career, and you cant handle two rejections - wrong career. Its a hobby for you not a career. You spend all your money on cigarettes and alcohol, unnecessary things, you have support of both parents a lovely house. People who want to get into acting/singing/dancing, most come from nothing, single parent families, sharing a bedroom with siblings, working their ass off to spend every penny on acting - not unnecessary stuff. All the money you waste can go on acting lessons, youth theatres, headshots - but nope.
You need to get your priorities straight. ASAP.